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[06 Jul 2008|09:17pm] |
Am so sick. Yesterday it felt like someone took a bat to my face. Damn my sinuses to hell! It is SO hard to sleep when your nose is runny and your throat is so sore it hurts to swallow.
Life looks like:
I have so much to do, but I am so tired.
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| Where Snezana says, FUCK YOU! |
[06 Jul 2008|06:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bouncy |
] |
In a weird mood. Kind of a "I don't care about anything" mood.
Doesn't help that I'm blasting music and drinking wine. Which really, I had 1.5 glasses and I am sad to report, nearly drunk. Light weight. Kinda can't see the keyboard that well right now.
Also, just want to give the finger to basically everyone. I feel alone, unwanted. I need to make out with someone, or get laid. Really don't know/care.
I'm going out to drink some more.
Pray for me.
Peace Bitches.
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[04 Jul 2008|09:40pm] |
There is "bored".
And then there is:
"Contemplated stabbing self in arm with a screwdriver because 'it might make things more interesting to have an injury to care for for a few weeks' but ended up not doing it because that would probably get boring after the first few days."
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| 126 |
[03 Jul 2008|11:32pm] |
Dear Igby,
I am sorely disappointed in you. I don't mind the crackling speakers, the dents, the constant shake. Hell, I can even deal with the fact that it takes you FOREVER to accelerate to highway speeds. I'm sorry that I couldn't take you on my G test, but I feared that your performance might not be up to government standards. If this hurt your feelings, I understand, but breaking down on me is NOT the way to show your anger. Do you know much it cost me to fix you? $400. Yes. $400. We are NOT okay, Igby. NOT OKAY.
No love,
Nikki
Today was so odd. Besides paying $400 to get my car fixed, I also rode on a motorcycle, had lunch with strangers, and bought over $100 worth of products at a 'fantasy' party that my mother invited me to. Woah.
But I feel okay about it all because now I really and truly do taste like candy. Well, honey, to be exact.
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| Where Snezana drinks coffee, and confesses all... |
[03 Jul 2008|10:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 lonely |
] |
So my parents leave for Mexico in 1 day. This means:
1. House to my (almost) self.
2. No rules for 1 week.
3. Emergency money that will be spent on pizza and booze.
4. Gifts upon their return.
5. My brother's girlfriend sleeping over.
...
I am not amused.
Besides this, I won't really have time to enjoy this freedom since:
1. I'll be at school 4/7 days.
2. I have a midterm in 1 week that needs to be studied for.
3. My brother's girlfriend will be sleeping over.
4. Making dinner constantly for said brother and said girlfriend.
5. My Belle River friends are all douchebags.
6. I'll be at the hospital friday nights volunteering.
...
When is it my turn to take a vacation?
Who wants to take a roadtrip to Europe when I graduate next year? I need to get out of Canada badly.
Later.
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[03 Jul 2008|06:37pm] |
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mood |
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 loved |
] |
My mom gave me a list. This is what it said:
Nicole:
- is very attractive (beautiful)
- is ambitious
- has amazing talent
- seeks knowledge + truth
- loves people
- works hard
- wants to be helpful
- is deeply loved
- can overcome anything
- makes very wise choices
I love my mom.
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| sixxyyytwooo |
[01 Jul 2008|12:16am] |
| [ |
music |
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aqua teen hunger force |
] |
Oh crazzzyyy
Another month. Holy fuck. I'm really trying hard not to fall off the face of the planet.
Jobless still. But not broke, because i just found out i got +$10000 from the gov't. THANKS OSAP i <3 u bb. Which means not only will i have a home, but i can afford food stuffs as well. And maybe even winter clothes since i'll be living in real Cananada. finally.
Friday i'm going up to LDN to find a home, hopefully. And hopefully Sean won't bail and we can start our new life of fantastic nerdyness.
Time is going by so slow and fast at the same time. I'm worried that i'm just going to wake up one day and be 20. fuck. So little time but so much all at once.
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[30 Jun 2008|09:09pm] |
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music |
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Simon and Garfunkel - America |
] |
Maybe actually typing some of this out will help.
I had a stressful day at work on Saturday. It was oddly slow for the beginning of the night and then, BAM!! I was slammed with 10+ tables in a 15 minutes span. It was steak night, so everyone’s meals had to start with either a soup or a salad, which are the only two food items that I have to put together, rather than have the kitchen make. I was running around like usual and was handling it all quite well when I somehow managed to dropped 3 bowls of salad on the way to a table. Okay. Stop. Pause.
I’ve been serving for nearly 7 years and have only dropped food ONCE (and technically it wasn’t even my fault that ONE time...and I was 14…). So, this is abnormal to say the least.
The salad dressing went everywhere. I broke two plates and two bowls. I had to go back and remake the salads when I really didn’t have the time to. My boss came out and cleaned up the spill and mopped up the dressing.
Fast forward five minutes and I’m carrying the salads for a different table. I forget that the floor is wet and, in my rushed state, proceed to slip, fall, and break all the dishes in my hands. That was it. I was done. I’d broken the fall with my knee, which was in SO much pain. I cried. I stayed on the floor, surrounded by broken plates and smeared dressing and sobbed my heart out.
My knee is still black and blue.
And today…
I had my final road test this morning. I failed because my brain likes to check out whenever I subject it to overly stressful situations. There’s construction on the highway right now and the speed limit has changed because of it. Traffic is still flowing at normal speeds, but that doesn’t matter when you’re taking a road test. I should have been more attentive. Anyways…failed. So, I get to stress out about it AGAIN and pay another $75 to take the test in a couple week. Ugh.
Later I decided to go get my plates renewed. I wanted to get all my car related issues over with in one day. I made it to the licensing center and found out that I need to put my car through an emissions test ($40) and only then can I get my license renewed (which, by the way, costs $74). I’d had it. I walked out of the office and a middle-aged woman who was talking to me in line walked over and told me that it would be fine. I suppose I looked upset. As soon as she said that the tears started flowing. I couldn’t stop. I wished her a good day and she gave me the saddest smile I’ve ever seen and said, “You too, dear. I hope your day goes much better.”
I realised I had locked my keys in the car as I walked away from her.
I can never have ONE thing go wrong. It’s always been all or nothing with me. There is no happy medium. The universe either sits me on a mountaintop or drowns me.
And I’m still leaving out some significant suckage in the above stories. I just don’t feel like divulging quite so much at the moment. I’m worried about my health. Stress is corrosive.
Time to find new coping mechanisms.
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| 130 |
[30 Jun 2008|04:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 stressed |
] |
These last three days = EPIC FAIL.
I hate cars and tests and doctors and appointments and...and...and...
I feel like:
When I haven't been kissed
in a long time, I create civil disturbances,
then insult the cops who show up,
till one of them grabs me by the collar
and hurls me up against the squad car,
so I can remember, at least for a moment,
what it's like to be touched.
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[28 Jun 2008|06:25am] |
So, I've been meaning to make one of these for WEEKS and weeks but it took forever to actually remember it first thing in the morning.
It wasn't, usually, until around lunchtime that my brain actually kicked in enough to go "OH CRAP, I FORGOT...again."
But I finally managed it, so here goes:
*EDIT*
The time stamps all have different dates because, like I said, I started planning this a WHILE ago.
All the pictures are from the same night.
*EDIT*
A Day in Iraq
That's PM, fyi, I work nights.
Case in point, the sun is going DOWN.
I'm up a bit early, so there's no real competition for the sink.
I am OBVIOUSLY a morning person.
Some days, I take the bus.
But it's not far and I'm up early, so I walk.
Gotta love the work clock. Not sure who she is, it pre-dates us.
My dayshift, looking busy, as always.
We have passdown(where they tell me everything I need to get done while trying not to mention how little they've accomplished) and then they take off.
It gets dark early, here.
This is the little mini-chowhall, next to work. They drive the food over from the main chowhall in plastic tubs.
Breakfast of Champions
So...guess it's time to actually start workin.
On my way to getting more tools.
Pressure checking the forward head of the helicopter.
It's kind of a slow job.
Yay...now the aft. And yes...that's a bike pump. We're very cutting edge.
I think it's time for a break.
Our ever-so-classy gym.
That was fun.../hack.../wheeze..../die
I watch a little BSG, while I wait for the arythmia to settle down.
I thinks it's time for lunch!
Since I went to the gym, I decided to spoil myself by heading over to the big-kid chowhall. They're kind of anti-camera, so I used my phone.
This is, basically, every single thing I normally don't eat. Hence, my avoiding this chowhall like the black death. I mean, ferchrissakes, they have CHEESECAKE here.
Oooh, time for my haircut.
We're based in pre-existing buildings that used to belong to Saddam's Air Force.
Most external lighting got kind of fragged during that whole "Shock and Awe" business.
So, we improvise.
We are TOTAL PROFESSIONALS.
They really wanted to go with a "Chuck Liddel" look, but I eventually talked them into just shaving it.
It only took a LITTLE bribery.
When the US military moved into these buildings, they white-washed everything.
But some good soul or another had the decency to paint around this and a few others
of its kind. No way of knowing who painted them or if the person's even alive.
I figure I've avoided work long enough, at this point.
Heh, my boss is, of course, hard at work.
I double-check our waterballoon stash. It's for emergency defense...and occasionally
we just like to mortar the army.
One of the civilians, Jim, is finishing up my job from earlier.
So, I replace some synch shaft mounts.
Apparently, six of them were bad.
I get done and Manny asks me to grab him some transmission fluid.
I'd been planning on running another errand that required the use of the truck so I just rolled
both errands together.
Airframes is...colorful. They also keep all the hazmat goodies, under lock and key, in their shop.
Just in case anyone forgets.
The downside to having my own work-shift...I check out all the tools.
My boss makes an appearance, with the pressure washer.
I was going to do that next but since he's doing it, I ended up safety-wiring mixbox bolts.
It's kind of a pain in the ass.
Case in point.
Almost done with work.
It's finally light enough to see my "other" little project.
That sign normally says "ScarfaCE".
I run inside to get my boss and stumble on a stray. This kid shows up every once in a while
and just jams on our guitar. He's pretty fuckin good.
We get outside and the sun's up.
It usually starts getting light not long after 4am here.
It's kind of a trip.
I finish up one last job before it's time to go eat.
On my way to chow, I cut past our back-up hanger. A year ago, we'd have had one to two other
birds in here waiting for us to work on them. But things just aren't as intense, this time around.
There aren't as many people on nights, so I get the place to myself.
Yum...
Saw this on my way back. My only question is this, "If it's not an exit...then where does it go?"
Kind of wondering where day crew is...
Apparently, this dragonfly just couldn't take it anymore.
Tater shows up first.
They finally show up to work and it's time for me to head out.
Get a little quality time with the woman, at the internet cafe/phone center.
Like I said, a LITTLE.
Have to swing by the post office. Dropping off some bookmooch packages and Somebody's birthday present(s).
And of course, a sandstorm blows in while I'm in the post office.
( Panoramic Shot of My Room )
Home, Sweet Home.
I should probably go to sleep soon...
...but, instead, I take a minute to pick out a book...
...because I have to poop.
Much better. Now for a shower
Gotta love communal showers.
Time to start picking out and re-sizing the shots from today's little project,
while watching my favorite video. <3
And a little Final Fantasy to while I relax.
Yaaaaaawn....time for bed.
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| Where Snezana gets a compliment... |
[26 Jun 2008|05:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 giddy |
] |
So I was watching VH1, minding my own business, when I get a random txt msg from some guy named Marcel. He asks me if I remember him, but I don't know anyone by this name. So I tell him I think he has the wrong person. Then he sends me back a message saying, he was the wrong number that called me a few days ago(I've had two wrong numbers in two days) and he thought I had a beautiful voice(which really I don't, I think I sound like a prepubescent boy), and he just wanted to let me know, to give me a compliment.
This kinda made my day.
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[26 Jun 2008|06:54am] |
The Marine Times ran this story in the early part of the month.
It's a compilation of pictures showing every single service-member to die overseas, and thus far from home, from 12 May 2007 to 14 May 2008.
( The Fallen )
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[25 Jun 2008|03:26pm] |
VOTE FOR MY PHOTO!!!!
No, seriously.
Vote the shit out of this bitch. There are prizes involved.
Click the picture to vote. Mine is #10.
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| Where Snezana breaks down and cries... |
[24 Jun 2008|03:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 anxious |
] |
So next year, october 2009, I will be graduating university. This is SCARY SHIT!
But I've realized that my grades aren't good enough, to maybe graduate. THIS IS SCARIER SHIT! No joke, if I don't get my mark up to an 8.0 in time for graduation, I won't be going. And I do NOT want to have wasted 4 years of my life for nothing, disappointed everyone I know. Seriously, if I don't get my marks up, and fail....I really might do something drastic. Damn.
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| 136 |
[24 Jun 2008|09:27am] |
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